I've been searching for some good books to give to our extended families- the child's aunts, uncles and grandparents. Prospective adoptive parents spend months, years waiting for their child to come home. They read books, magazines, blogs and take adoptive parenting courses to prepare for that child's arrival. I want to make sure our families understand what we are going through and how they can help.
So far, I've found one that I like: "Cross Cultural Adoption" by Amy Coughlin and Caryn Abramowitz. This book would be ideal for cousins and close family friends with children. The authors provide many ideas to answer common questions asked by young children. Its important for the individuals in the adopted child's life to understand positive adoption language: children are placed for adoption, not "given up," etc. Don't tell them they are "lucky" to be adopted by their families, they've lost everything they new to get here. The authors explain why attachment is so important, and why adoptive families choose to keep their kids close, especially at the beginning. If we're not inviting you over, its because we don't want to confuse the child to who their primary care giver is. Children in orphanages are used to a cast of care takers. Adoptive parents need to be the one who picks up the child and holds him when he is upset, to feed him, to put him to bed- we understand you are trying to help, but we are trying to promote attachment with our children.
I like this book, but it focuses a great deal on the top ten countries that Americans adopt from, and Bulgaria is not one of them. I need to find one that better suits our situation- any suggestions?
I'm reading "Adoption Nation" but I have issues with that one- more on that later.
I'm not sure that you will find anything geared toward Bulgaria specifically. It's such a small market with few children coming home that I don't think anyone would write/publish a whole book specifically about it.
ReplyDeleteOur agency required us to read a book called "Adoption is a Family Affair" by Patricia Irwin Johnston. It's about adoption in general, not just IA. It's reasonably informative and a short read for extended family, so you could check it out.
This is a memoir of sorts about adoption from BLG: http://www.amazon.com/The-Mom-Red-Lipstick-Bulgarian/dp/143438473X.
Also, this book with great reviews, but I haven't read it: http://www.amazon.com/In-On-It-Adoption-Relatives/dp/0982876505/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1335783622&sr=1-2
Another idea that I had tossed around and then didn't follow through on was to give the friends and family members who would be most heavily involved with our children a subscription to an adoption magazine like Adoptive Families. This could be part of a gift for a special occasion or just something you do whenever... maybe as a thanks after your big tag sale?
Viviane
I ended up making my parents read The Connected Child. Great for explaining about attachment and adopted children. I also had them read the book No Biking in the House without a Helmet. It is from an adoptive mom's perspective as they adopted 5 children from 2 different countries.
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