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Sherrie is an adopted person and is a grandparent to adopted children. She offers her advice and guidance for adoptive parents. The book deals with a lot of common issues that arise in adoptive families.
First of all, she stresses how important it is to be open with your child with his or her adoption. This openness is a philosophy that the vast majority of adoptive parents share today. Few would choose to keep the adoption a secret. Keeping the fact that a child was adopted a secret would make if feel like something that is shameful, while we feel that it is something to be celebrated.
Sherrie encourages you to share all that you can, when age appropriate, with your child about their beginnings. This sounds easy enough, most adoptive parents celebrate the culture their child's birth family culture. Sharing their beginnings can be difficult in some cases; if the birth mother was the victim of abuse or rape, or if she was living in a difficult situation or engaging in dangerous activities, the adoptive parents may feel reluctant to share everything with the child.
Not everyone would agree that it is best to share with your child that he/she is the product of a rape. Sherrie found out her birth mother was raped and explained how much it hurt her to learn that fact, but she was glad that she knew the truth about her beginnings.
I can't imagine telling a child/teen/ young adult that he/she was the product of a rape. I don't know what I would do if I had that information about my child. Would I tell him/her? When, what age would be most appropriate?
Sherrie feels it is important, no matter your child's beginnings, to never criticize the child's birth family. It's easy for me to sit here and say: of course, I would be grateful to the birth family, I would appreciate their impact on my life, my family. But the truth is, you might have information about your child's birth family that is negative. Maybe the child was abused by his/her birth parents, maybe the birth mother used drugs or engaged in other reckless or illegal behaviors. The point Sherrie tries to make is that by putting down the birth family, your child feels like you are putting him/her down. So find something positive, and celebrate that. Yes, there may be negative things in the child's history, but don't focus on those- celebrate the positive.
The part of the book I found most helpful, was dealing with comments from others. Sherrie had interviewed several adopted people, adoptive parents and birth parents to write this book. I was shocked at some of the statements adopted people reported hearing from classmates and family members: "He's not my real cousin," "where are her real parents," those I expected but not: "Why did your parents throw you in the garbage?" (Yes, an adopted child really heard that from a classmate). People not involved in adoption, especially children, hear the shocking horror stories portrayed in the media and don't understand how it really works. Its up to us, those involved in adoption as adoptive parents, children and birth parents to enlighten them. Sherrie gives tips for dealing with the "real parent" issue.
This is definitely a book worth reading. Check out Sherrie's website: http://www.sherrieeldridge.com/
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