No More Waiting Children

For a lot of parents who pursue adoption, it was their second choice- after biology failed them.  Not that it is substandard, but it's just not what we planned.  It can be hard to think about all you'll miss- no sonograms, excitement (and agony) of pregnancy and delivery, no baby showers.  And unless you're doing a domestic newborn adoption- no first time rolling over, sitting up, walking or talking. 
Instead you spend your time digging up your address for everywhere you ever lived, tracking down your police and child abuse clearances, researching agencies and looking over their 990s.  You refinance the house, try to pay off your student loans, find a second job to pay all the fees. 
I thought we had accepted all that adoption encompasses, all that we are missing and we had moved on.  Focused on what we are gaining.  But it all came to a boil last night, when Chris realized he hadn't processed all of it.  Now that his friends are having children, he's seeing the new dad diaper a baby for the first time, give her a bath.  He realizes what he is missing.  
Last week we received 3 referrals for waiting children.  As we looked over the profiles, I think it really set in that we won't be there for some major milestones.  Some of the kids are 4 years old, some have significant medical needs.  There won't be midnight feedings, tummy time, babbling, pureed foods, first haircut, etc.
So we've decided we're not going to look at any more waiting child profiles.  Its too much heartache to look at these kids an no we can't take care of them.  Or, when we plan on proceeding, finding out he's being sent to another family.  Another year of that would be devastating to our emotional well being.  We'll wait for the Ministry of Justice's referral.  
I know when its all over and ten years down the road, we'll forget all the stress, anxiety, heartache.  All that will matter is the child, that we're a family.