Tuesday, June 28, 2011

New Windows, Almost

Saturday was supposed to be "new window day".  The windows guys were coming at 8 am and we had to be up and ready for them- all furniture moved 3 feet from the windows, all window coverings off and all window ac units out. 
Taking down the blinds
Here's the living rooom, a wreck right now, with the new ceiling fan ready to be installed.

The guys took apart the back upstairs windows first and discovered the the aluminium siding was never put on properly, rain water was able to get in between the siding and the wall.  They wouldn't do any more windows, but they tacked the 4 back windows in place until we can get a contractor out here.  The part with the rot is an addition to the house, the rest of the house is brick and no water was able to get in around those windows, but they wouldn't touch anything else without the contractor. 
Behind the wood paneling
Rotten windowsill
We were planning on taking down the wood paneling this fall, when the weather is cooler, and having this room sheet rocked.  It is either going to be a second child's bedroom or the playroom.
The window guys stuck the rest of the windows in the basement and took off so fast, it can only lead me to believe that they had another job scheduled for the same day. 
Micah and the windows in the basement
This project is going to cost a lot more than we planned, looks like the whole back wall of the 2 story addition is going to need to be replaced.  The contractor came out today, but he can't schedule us for a few weeks.
We knew this house needed work when we bought it 13 months ago, but the house inspector didn't tell us some really expensive things that needed to be fixed: the stove, the boiler, rotten wall of the addition, and bathroom water pipes were completely blocked- we had to completely tear apart the main bathroom because the pipes were imbedded in concrete in the floor.  The inspector told us we had alumunium wiring, which really made me nervous- I had an electrician out here right after we moved in and he confirmed that was not the case. 
Aren't housing inspectors licensced by the state?  At what point do you take legal action at his incompetence? 

Monday, June 27, 2011

Prenatal Health

Prenatal health is something we are well aware of in the United States.  Pregnant women are told not to drink, smoke, consume cold cuts, change the cat litter, etc.  They are warned to avoid second hand smoke and other environmental dangers.  We take it very seriously, in fact, if you saw an obviously pregnant women smoking or drinking, you would likely tell someone. 
In Bulgaria, illicit drug use is very rare.  More Americans smoke marijuana, or try it once, than in Bulgaria.  I always found it amusing that it grew every where in Bulgaria.  Behind my block apartment building was scrubby trees and weeds, mostly marijuana; it also grew all around the elementary school.  But I never knew any Bulgarian who used it, not even once.  
However, it is not uncommon to see a pregnant women smoking.  Most Bulgarians know that it is unhealthy for the baby, but nicotine is addictive and they struggle with quitting.  Most women I knew did try to stop or at least cut back when they were pregnant.  Though, I was told, on more than one occasion, if you crave cigarettes while you are pregnant its because the baby wants it.  Right.  Not your own addiction. 
According to the March of Dimes there are many serious side effects of smoking while pregnant, and it is harder for smokers to get pregnant.  The most common side effect is low birth weight, which is more serious than it sounds.  Babies with low birth weights are more at risk for certain life long disabilities like cerebal palsy. 
Bulgarians drink a lot of coffee, but effects of caffeine on an unborn child are not fully understood.  
Interesting enough, the most dangerous drug to an unborn baby is alcohol.  Alcohol is most dangerous during first 8 weeks of pregnancy, before many women are even aware that they are pregnant. 
Like many other Eastern Europeans and citizens of former Soviet States, Bulgarians drink.  If you were invited over to a Bulgarian's home for dinner, plan on drinking rakiya- brandy usually made of grapes.  Probably followed by beer and wine. 
Alcohol can cause numerous life long disabilities in an unborn child.  It can also cause miscarriages or stillbirths.  Women who drink while pregnant risk having a child who has development delays, hearing or vision deficiencies, heart and brain defects, low birth weight, premature birth the list goes on.  Just one night of heavy drinking during pregnancy can lead to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  You can check out the March of Dimes for more information. 
Why adopt from Bulgaria then with these risks?  The risk of drug use during pregnancy is minimal, less than in the United States.  As far as smoking and alcohol are concerned, the risks are similiar to the United States and far less than other countries (like Russia.)  Bulgarian have access to free universal health care- though the standard of care is not as high as ours.  Bulgarian women are educated, most Bulgarians have a college degree, and are aware of the risks and take steps to minimize them.  Bulgarians have healthy diets with plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, and plenty of calcium (mainly from yogurt) and have adequate exercise.   Bulgarians give birth in hospitals with qualified doctors and nurses. 
Many of the children available for adoption in Bulgaria are Roma.  Roma culture is different than Bulgarian.  They are more likely to live outside of town and have limited access to health care.  They are more likely to have children when they are young, while Bulgarians wait until their late 20s or 30s.  Bulgarians have on average less than 2 kids, very few have 3; Roma have many more.  While Bulgarians are overwhelmingly Eastern Orthodox Christians, Roma populations can be Muslim, Orthodox or Evangelical.  Fortunately, Muslims and Evangelicals are less likely to consume alcohol.  Although Roma are more likely to be unemployed, the government provides welfare payments (known as pomosht or "help") to families, so you are unlikely to meet someone who is hungry or homeless.

With all the risks associated with pregnancy, sometimes it seems daunting.  But everyday, healthy women who had excellent prenatal care give birth to children with disabilities and women who had no access to healthcare and were exposed to environmental dangers have healthy children.  A lot of health is beyond our control, so we can just try our best and have faith that we will be dealt what we are capable of managing. 
Also, it is easy to sit here and tell someone else what they must do when they are pregnant.  I don't smoke, but could I give up caffeine for 9 months?  Cold cuts?  Sushi? 

Friday, June 24, 2011

Sharing the News

Announcing you are pregnant is usually met with congratulations and joy (unless of course you are too young or didn't intend on getting pregnant.)  Announcing to people that you are going adopt isn't always met the same way.
I was reading You Can Adopt! by the authors of Adoptive Families Magazine, and they said most people respond in one of two ways- they either share that they were adopted or have adopted, or tell you something about adoption, though they have no first hand experience with it, which can often be unkind.  I don't think most people mean to be unkind, but someone sharing that they have started the adoption process should be celebrated- its a joyful moment.
The first person I told was my friend Mary because I knew she would be supportive, and she was.  I'm glad I told her first, it gave me the confidence to tell others who wouldn't be so welcoming.  I told her that my husband and I were thinking about adoption, she said "are you going to adopt from Bulgaria?"  She thought we would look into Bulgarian adoption because our connections to that country.  She was happy and excited for us.  Our families were supportive too, my husband mother said she would "love an adopted grandkid just as much as a biological one."
Other people's response isn't so kind.  They often respond by saying "why don't you adopt from America, there are perfectly good kids here."  That's true, and I hope they find forever families.  I don't want American kids, or any children to lose their parents or be born into an unsafe or unloving home- but we can't adopt them all.  We are considering fostering to adopt, just because we adopt one child from Bulgaria, doesn't mean we have ruled all other possibilities out.
Other people say "if I couldn't have kids, I would adopt one with disabilities."  You can still adopt children even if you can and do have your own.  We aren't ruling out all children with disabilities, we know what we can manage and certain disabilities would be beyond our capabilities.  For instance, our house is not accessible by wheelchair and we both need to work, so we can't provide adequate care for a child who needs constant monitoring.  Of course, like with pregnancy, you can't predict what a child will develop as he or she grows up, but we can only address that situation when it arises. 
Part of my motivation for writing this blog is to show people what the adoption process is like, and maybe inspire a few to adopt.  We aren't adopting to "save" a child, we want to have a family and this is the best way for us to do it. 

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Abilities and Disabilities

When you have a child, you don't get to decide what disabilities you'd be able to manage.  I think that's what I find so strange about completing the adoption applications.  What types of disabilities would you open to when adopting a child? 
I was thinking about this the other day when I was babysitting 7 year old twins.  Both were born healthy, but back in October the little girl was in an accident.  She was always the leader, after school she would organize games on the playground, even when she was the kindergartner and there were much older kids around.  She was determined to always be first or the only kindergartner to accomplish something.  She could climb to the very top of the big climbing net at the school, fly her kite on hot muggy, windless days. 
Last October her leg was crushed at an outdoor event by scaffolding that collapsed.  For months she was in the hospital, she was moved to Children's in DC for the pediatric specialist.  The doctors did a dozen operations to save her leg, but finally in February, right before her 7th birthday, her leg was amputated midway down the shin.  I saw her shortly after that operation, on her birthday.  She was cheerful, chatty and boasted "I'm off antibiotics."  She hopped around and used crutches, determined to do things on her own.  She traveled to New York and Philadelphia to get a prostethic and for physical therapy to learn to walk on it. 
Last week when I saw her, she back to her old self.  Running around on the playground, organizing games with the other kids.  It is amazing to see how resilient and happy she is.  She is healthy, and excited to be back with her friends. 
The prosthesis is amazing too.  She can walk, climb, run - even ice skate.  If she was wearing pants, you could never tell that anything was different- there is no discernable change in her gait.  Instead of making it look like skin, it has a pink and grey pattern.  She told me she could get it with tye die or peace signs, but she choose the pink and grey swirls.  Sometimes the other kids ask her how long she has to wear the "cast" and she simply tells them "forever." 
Before visiting with her last week, I was doubtful we could manage a child with a mobility disability.  We have steep steps to get into our house and no bathroom on the first floor.  I think it would be a challenge to have a child who is unable to get around without a wheelchair, but with the advances in medical technology available in the United States, most missing limbs or limb deficiencies can have minimal impact on a child's mobility. 

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

House Updates

We moved into this house last May.  It needed, and still needs a lot of work.  We've been making some updates so we'll be ready for our home study.  I want to have things more in order so the social worker doesn't think that I think this house is ready for a child- we're working on it.  Chris has the main bathroom nearly ready, the windows are scheduled to be replaced sometime this month.  We've added a tree and rain barrel in the backyard.   We have a grant from the Chesapeake Bay Foundation to tear up the impervious surfaces in the backyard and landscape more conducive to the climate.
Here is the little one's room before:

It was a weird mango color.  The door to the former sleeping porch- now a fully enclosed room was missing and the window that led into that room was painted stuck half open.  You can't see the light fixture, but the glass in it was missing. 
We don't know yet if our little one will be a girl or boy, or even how old s/he will be so we wanted to keep the room neutral.   Right now there is a low full sized bed, because we don't know yet if we'll need a twin, a toddler bed or a crib.  When we know the gender, we can decorate more appropriately.
This isn't the finished product, but here's where its at now:

I'll have to look more for the pictures that show the other view, you can't see the dresser from this angle.  Chris got the window frame unstuck, now he's ordered new glass.  I want to get a bigger, soft rug because kids like to play on the floor and a desk for homework, but this is a start. 
Last weekend we picked up a new ceiling fan at home depot and a door from the Community Forklift.
We have a long list of projects, but at least we have a good start on this one. 
The next project will either be the backyard or the family room.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Bulgarish-American Wedding

This weekend we went to a wedding in the Shenandoah Valley.  The groom is also a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer (RPCV) from Bulgaria.  It was great to see old friends, some of whom we hadn't seen since we left.  It was a beautiful setting, the ceremony was in a garden of an old manor house, with the reception under a big tent.
The couple decided to include a few Bulgarian traditions: The bride and groom tore a loaf of bread.  The tradition is the couple is given a whole loaf of bread to tear in half, and the spouse with the larger half is the "boss."  It came as no surprise that the bride walked away with about 3/4 of that loaf.
The other tradition done at all Bulgarian occasions- weddings, school parties, office parties, even in a pub in the evening was to dance the horo.  The horo is any number of dances where everyone holds hands and dances together, similar to the Greek, Hora.  Sounds simple enough, but some of them are really tricky.  Most Bulgarian kids take tanz, dance, in grade school and I had the oppurtunity to take a course while I was there.  Here's one of the easier horos.  Byala Roza or White Rose.  Its usually 6 steps to your left with a foot touch- Bulgarians swear its not a kick, merely touch your foot out, but don't touch the ground.  Then 2 steps back, with a foot touch.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.



I like this youtube series for learning the horo, its in Bulgarian but they demonstrate each step:
Elenino Horo

Thursday, June 9, 2011

The Road to Adoption

The decision to adopt wasn't something we decided today or at any one time really.  My husband and I met when we were Peace Corps Volunteers in Bulgaria.  I worked in the orphanage for children with disabilities and children under 4, what Bulgarians call a "Baby Home."  We always thought we'd have one and adopt one.  Things don't always go as planned.  Now we are thinking "we'll adopt one (or two) and see what happens." 
The decision to adopt from Bulgaria was an easy one.  We know the country, we speak the language, and we can help the child get accostumed to American culture and language. 

Getting started isn't so easy.  I never realized that even choosing your adoption agency is a big step.  I found help from other parents going through the process.  We got lots of recommendations for agencies and some ideas in what to look for.  Probably the most important tip we have received so far was to check the agency's finances.  Every non profit has to file a 990 tax form which is available on guidestar.com.   You can request an agency's Annual Report- this would be that "not so easy" part.  We have one agency that hasn't even gotten back to us now over a month later after submitting a request on their website and trying their number, another agency giving us the run around on the annual report and a whole pile of agencies in the not a chance pile after seeing their financials.  I am no financial expert, but I happen to have a sister who is an auditor.  
Apart from finances, I want to make sure the agency has a good reputation and that previous parents were happy with the process.  It is important that the agency has a good and reputable partnership with a Bulgarian agency, answers e-mails quickly, is upfront about the costs and what is expected of the parents and has a professional staff.  Bulgarian adoption is a long process, they say 18 months to 2 years, but many people report it taking much longer than that.  We are in no hurry, but we don't want the agency slowing the process down on their side. 
Otherwise, Bulgaria is a Hague treaty country, which was enacted to protect children from traffickers.  It protects the parents too, by making sure agency are properly accredited.  The process is lined out for you from the beginning, and as long as all your ducks are in a row, everything will go as planned!
This is my first time through the adoption process and I found this checklist to be really helpful: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/AdoptionPlanner.pdf.


I guess the clock officially begins today: June 9th day 1 in our adoption journey!