Saturday in the Countryside

We have decided to have the child's medical information reviewed by a specialist, then we'll decide if we'll proceed with it and deal with the finances if and when we get there.  I spoke to some friends, and everyone was really assuring- we can do this- its only advancing the time line by 12 months.  1 fundraiser we were planning for next March, will be out- but we'll find other ways.
Chris and I headed out early to check out a salvage store for house parts.  These are really great places to pick up things for your home, especially if your house is old.   Construction debris is the largest contributer to landfills, picking up salvaged items helps keep this stuff, much of it still usuable, out of landfills.  Of course, we forgot to bring the measurements and the measuring tape.  We still need one interior door, which will slide like a barn door for one of the children's bedrooms.  (We're doing the home study for 2 kids- we always planned on having more than one).  A room isn't really a bedroom, until it has a door.  We saw many good candidates, but couldn't buy any because, this store, like most salvage stores, don't take returns.  They had lots of good stuff, we are thinking of getting interior shutters for the sunroom- its very sunny in there- you can't see the TV until sunset.  This store was 1 1/2 hours away, and we didn't end up with anything, but the day wasn't a complete waste, we came upon some yard sale/ flea markets.  I found this chair:

I have a 2 seater just like it I found some time back, these sell for a lot in town, but they wanted just $2 for it.  Chris found some neat fruit labels, we'll frame for the kitchen.  We also found:

this pyrex set for $3.  I know people collect these- I've seen them on ebay for $20 per bowl.  I am selling them for the adoption fund- a tiny contribution I know.  We also found this light:

for the kitchen, from the same time period as the house was built.  I think that was $30, but still cheaper than Lowes or Home Depot or even IKEA.  I also found a dress for graduation for $2- really $2.  We always dress up for the students' graduation where I work.  Now I need new shoes- only joking.  Chris also found hand tools, like he needs any more, for a dollar a piece. 

Guidance

Our placing agency recommended a child on the wait list to us.  This is great news, but now we have to face some tough decisions.  We had prepared ourselves, but constantly reminding each other this was a process that would take 2 years or more.  We had planned for that financially. 
We are having the little one's medical history and videos reviewed by an adoption specialist (at no small cost) to see if this one is a good fit for us.  But when I saw those pictures, how could I say no.  So cute, such a sweet little one. 
Now we need to figure out how we will pay for it all.  We could travel in a few months.  Any suggestions?  I was thinking of a restaurant fundraiser and a raffle, but any input would be appreciated. 
We are torn, we don't want to let this little one go, but we're not sure if we can pull it off with this accelerated time line. 

A Prayer For Children

A friend just sent this, thought I would post it :-)
A Prayer For Children
by Ina Hughes

We are responsible for children
who put chocolate fingers everywhere,
who like to be tickled,
who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants
who sneak Popsicles before supper,
who erase holes in math workbooks,
who can never find their shoes.

We are responsible for those
who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
who’ve never squeaked across the floor in new sneakers,
who never “counted potatoes,”
who are born in places we wouldn’t be caught dead,
who never go to the circus,
who live in an X-rated world.

We are responsible for children
who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
who sleep with the dog and bury the goldfish,
who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money,
who cover themselves with Band-Aids and sing off-key,
who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink,
who slurp their soup.

And we are responsible for those
who never get dessert,
who watch their parents watch them die,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind,
who can’t find any bread to steal,
who don’t have any rooms to clean up,
whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser,
whose monsters are real.
We are responsible for children
who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store
and pick at their food,
who like ghost stories,
who shove dirty clothes under the bed
and never rinse out the tub,
who get visits from the tooth fairy,
who don’t like to be kissed in front of the car pool,
who squirm in church and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at
and whose smiles can make us cry.

And we are responsible for those
whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who have never seen a dentist,
who aren’t spoiled by anybody,
who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move, but have no being.

We are responsible for children
who want to be carried,
and for those who must.
For those we never give up on,
and for those who don’t get a chance.
For those we smother,
and for those who will grab the hand of anybody
kind enough to offer.

Lives Touched by Adoption

Before I started my adoption journey, I knew several people whose lives had been touched by adoption.  I knew one colleague had adopted from Russia, one from Russia and China.  One colleague has several domestically adopted grandchildren.  I grew up with friends who had been adopted domestically and from Korea.  Its interesting, now that we are adopting, many people share with us how they have been touched by adoption.  A friend and colleague shared, last Friday, that two of her kids are adopted- one through foster care.  I learned today of another colleague whose daughter was adopted.  I love hearing other people's adoption stories- the wait, the paperwork, the struggles, but everyone agrees it was worth it.   All different children need placements for adoption, all races, backgrounds, abilities and needs and all ages.  We're excited to be a part of it.

Home Study Medical Exam

Today I had my medical exam.  Pretty straight forward- a exam from the doctor, 1 TB test, 3 vials of blood and a urine sample.  1 hour later, I was out of there.  I have to go back on Friday to have my TB test read, but I can already tell its negative- I can't even find the mark. 
All that's left is a trip to the notary together and waiting for all our documents to arrive!

Sharing the News

Sharing the news of expanding your family is always exciting.  With adoption, its a little different.  You can announce, "we're adopting a baby, (in 2 years)".   Still, I didn't want to keep it a secret.  I told my administrators at work.  They were excited for us.  After I told them, I could tell everyone else.  I had already told some of my closest friends.  I didn't want it to be a secret or a rumor, and besides I couldn't wait to tell everyone.  At Monday's staff meeting, we always start with "new and good."  Someone's engaged and someone else is pregnant, someone's child got into an Ivy League school and I got to share my news!  Many colleagues have adopted, one from Russia, our former administrator had 6 adopted kids!  Last weekend we got to share our news with our friends.  Now everyone knows and we don't have to keep it quiet!

abilities

The hardest thing we've had to do for the home study, was go through a list of disabilities and decide which we would consider, which we would accept and which we would not consider. 
We have to be realistic in what we can manage.  And you shouldn't say you'll accept more than you can handle to move through the process more quickly (special needs children are often placed on "waiting children" lists which move more quickly.)  We went through the list with my dad, who is a doctor, which was helpful.  Its hard to say you wouldn't accept a disability, I keep thinking "what if I was having a child with this disability, then what would I do."  I know I shouldn't think like that, it isn't helpful. 
So what did we decide?  A lot of disabilities, we decided we would consider- depending on the other circumstances.  We decided, we would accept or consider issues that can be treated, repaired or managed here in the US without a major effect on the child's ability to lead a successful life.  For example, a blind child may never be able to see, but he will grow up to live a healthy, happy and successful life.  A child with missing limbs can have prosthetics or can have devices that enable them to use every day items- drive a car. 
It makes you feel cold hearted to say you wouldn't accept a child because of his/her disability. I know colleagues and friends who have children with significant disabilities and every day I am amazed at how they seem to handle it with ease.  They are amazing people.  I don't think I could it. 

Making friends with the notary

Chris and I need to have child abuse clearances for every state we have lived or worked in since we've turned 18.  We also need police clearances for the past 5 years.  This is a lot of paper work.  Some states will let you run the police clearance online, like PA, but most make you print forms and get them notarized.  I brought my stack of clearances to Navy Federal today to get notarized.  The notary told me the limit was 2 per day, but when I told her it was for an adoption, she notarized them all.  Apparently she was going through an adoption too.  She has 2 children, but always wanted a third.  Things weren't working out for them, so they decided to adopt.  They are doing a domestic adoption through CPS.  Its interesting to hear tales from the trenches of different types of adoptions.  Its reassuring to hear from people go through the same things.
Interestingly, I have lived in BG and UK and they don't have child abuse registries, so that gets waived.  But the police clearance does not, even though there is no central registry for Bulgaria. 

Progress!

On Monday, the 12th the new social worker came to our house.  Since then we have been busy.
I have...

• scheduled a doctor's appointment for myself
• dropped off the authorization at my doctor's office to release information about me to the social worker
• scheduled vet appointments for the cats
• got my FBI Channelers fingerprints and already got the results
• readied the documents for my child abuse clearances, sent in my PA clearance
• gotten the money orders for my child abuse clearances (now they just need to be notarized)
• sent out my "Assumption of Guardianship" form to my sister, in case something happens to both of us, she'll adopt our kids
• we've signed so much paper work and filled out countless forms- our current financial status, fire safety, copied birth certificates, our marriage license, pay stub

We still have a lot to do, but at least we can see the progress.   I am going to the bank tomorrow to get my personal forms notarized, but we need to be together for some of them.  So, I think we'll know the notary who's available on Saturdays at Citibank by the end of all this. 
It takes 30 days for some of these clearances, so its best to get them out ASAP.

Here's the new door and radiator cover in the child's room.  This door connects the first child's room to the second child's room. 

New Social Worker

Since my last post, so much has happened, and so quickly.  After the first social worker cancelled the meeting which she chose the date and time, we called her supervisor.  Apparently she hasn't been forthright with her supervisor.  We have a new social worker.  Within 24 hours of being assigned to us, the new social worker had called me and sent me documents we need to fill out.
She is coming over Monday for the first home visit!  This weekend has been a busy one.  We had a lot to do to get ready.
Here's an overview
- Chris put up the new house numbers, we took the old yucky ones off the transom and Chris put new ones on the front porch
-Chris hung the trip around the bathroom door and discovered the top piece was damaged

- Chris had some one haul the old heating oil tank from under our porch and cleaned up under there and put down ground cover plants
-I set up the new dining room table (we haven't gotten the chairs yet)

-We finished the basement door.  Chris cut a hole so the cats can get to their litter box, put a new lock on it and fixed it so it fit and closed properly.

- Chris's 30th birthday present was delivered!

-I painted the new radiator cover the for the child's room and put it in there.  We have hot water radiators which aren't as hot as steam, but I still wanted a cover for the child's room.
- Chris put a lock on the linen closet and I moved all the cleaning supplies and medications in there.
For the homestudy, we are now working on
-medical clearances, we scheduled doctor's appointments
-taking the cats to the vet next week to update everything for them
-FBI clearance
-Police and child abuse clearances for every state and country we have lived or worked in since we've turned 18. 
-We have to write up a discipline policy
-Get copies of our W-2s, last year's taxes, marriage license, birth certificates, etc
-3 friends are writing letters of recommendation that need to be notarized

I was able to talk with the new social worker over the phone and get some questions answered.  We don't need to have the child's room and playroom set up.  We don't need baby gates and cabinet locks yet.  I was glad to hear it, because its hard to set up for a child you don't know anything about.  Age, gender, needs and abilities, all of these will determine how we prepare. 

Home Study Update

On Monday, 5 weeks after we submitted our preliminary homestudy application, we had planned on terminated our agreement with that agency.  But they were not answering their phones.  Not really something new for our social worker, she had yet to return a phone call or e-mail, but managed to find time to cash our check. 
I tried calling the main office phone, but no one picked up.  I started digging around on their website, and sent an e-mail to the director of adoptions and home studies.  It bounced back that he was no longer working there, but including 2 other names with e-mails and phone numbers.  I called both, and managed to get someone on the phone.  She said she would talk to our social worker, and call us right back.  She never called back, but the other supervisor did. 
After twisting this initial social worker's arm, she did finally send an e-mail (although she told her supervisor she called us).  Her excuse: she doesn't go into the office much and she was out of town for a few days. 
Oh, that explains it.  So she hasn't been to the office for 5 weeks and she can't check her voicemail from another phone?  Also, since, as most workplaces, they use Microsoft Outlook, she could set up an out of office reply.  I was planning on demonstrating this incredibly complicated and technologically advanced uses of telephone and computing technology at the meeting which she scheduled for this evening.  But then she cancelled at 12:35.  The meeting date and time she choose.  Which was short notice.  We rearranged our schedules for it. 
With steaming spewing from my ears, I decided to have a calm chat with her supervisor.  We have a new social worker. 
We have lost another week, but hopefully have made some progress. 

New Homestudy Agency

This is our first adoption, so we're not always sure what to expect.  But our home study application was sent in the first week of February, and we have yet to hear back from them.  2 and 1/2 weeks later the check was cashed, but still no contact from them.  I didn't want to seem pushy, so I called them once a week.  I have called 4 times and e-mailed twice and nothing.  I can't think of a job where you can wait 3 weeks to call a client back.  So with much regret and trepidation, we are looking for a new home study agency. 
We spoke with our main adoption agency, and they said get out -a slow/ bad social worker can ruin everything.  (By the way, when we send checks to them, we get an e-mailed receipt before the check even clears our bank).
I'm upset because I can't believe the social worker could be so heartless.  A lot of people adopting already have the child lined up- could be a niece, nephew, cousin and that child is stuck in foster care because the social worker can't get her act together.  I just can't understand why she is so selfish.  Just return a phone call, its your job. 
I'm frustrated because there are so few agencies that operate in our state.  If you look on the State Department, Health and Human Services or our State CPS website, they all have only 2 agencies listed- but each site has 2 different agencies.  I wish people would review home study agencies on yelp or google, but I can't find any comprehensive list and so few are even reviewed.  I tried joining a local list serv (yahoo group) for international adoptive parents, but still haven't gotten approved. 
So, we are back in square one, minus $250 because of the initial fee paid to the Lutherans, maybe unless the check was cashed by some one else- but how could we know because they don't take phone calls or respond to e-mails or send receipts.  
Funny, we can't even get a hold of them to say- forget it, we're using another home study agency.

Any tips for tracking down a good agency?