Grandma's Passing

Chris's Grandma passed away Sunday in her sleep.  We'll miss her and wish she could have met our little one.  But Chris is grateful for all the time they had together and that he was able to visit her a few weeks ago.   They had a very close relationship that I hope our little girl can have with her grandparents.  I know she's in a better place. 

Financing the Adoption- Grants and Loans

Like most families, coming up with $30K isn't easy to do.  It's frustrating when I compare the financial process to other big expenses- our home mortgage is only 3%, our car loan 1.9%.  What options are there for prospective adoptive parents?
There are many foundations that give loans and grants to adoptive families.  If you are an Evangelical Christian, you are in luck.  None of these grants or loans will cover your full adoption expense and many applications are very time consuming.  I am also wary, because I have been unable to find out how many grants have been awarded by most of these foundations. 

Here's the list as we've found it:

Grants & Loans for International Adoptions:

Help Us Adopt 



By far the most inclusive organization, no family requirements- Christian, agnostic, Jew, singles, gays, domestic, international, healthy child, child with identified disability.  This organization grants money to individuals, families, couples seeking to adopt.   Due to their inclusive nature, they receive millions of dollars worth of requests each year, unfortunely they can only fund a small portion of the requests. 

Life Song For Orphans





Loans and grants for prospective adoptive families.  They have one interesting grant: Both Hands- prospective families help a widow and in turn receive funding for their adoption.   They have interest-free loans and matching grants.   The prospective family must be a 2 parent, Christian couple and preference is given to older or special needs children.

A Child Waits Foundation






Loans and grants for prospective adoptive families.  Grants of up to $5,000 to families demonstrating financial need, special needs of child taken into consideration.  Loans of up to $10,000 at 5% interest, $20 application fee for loans (though not for grants).  No religious or marital requirements for potential parents.

Katelyn's Fund









Grants of up to $3,000 for married, Christian, heterosexual prospective parents.  Parents must write a declaration of their faith and demonstrate financial need to qualify for this grant.

Brittany's Hope Foundation











Families must be working with an affiliated agency.  Preference given to families adopting older and special needs children.  Brittany's Hope provides matching grants with an average award of around $5,000.

Hand in Hand Christian Adoption Ministry
 
 Matching grants provided to Christian families seeking to adopt.


 Show Hope

 There are two options from Show Hope for Christian couples or individuals seeking to adopt.  The first option is an adoption grant averaging $4,000.  The second option is to sell Show Hope t-shirts as a fundraiser which can be done whether or not you receive a grant. 

Lydia Fund



For married, Biblical Christian, heterosexual couples adopting internationally only.  Biblical Christian is defined by the Lydia fund as: "acknowledged their sin and put their trust in Jesus Christ alone for eternal salvation, apart from their works and have in their lives the fruit of the spirit of re-birth."

ABBA Fund


Married, Christian, heterosexual families only.  There are adoption grants and interest free loans.  This is one lengthy application.  Be prepared to give your Christian testimony and how you plan on explaining to your children Creation, the Fall and Redemption. 

Parenthood for Me



Grants for adoptions or fertility treatments.  No religious or marriage requirements of parents/ individuals.  Must demonstrate financial need.

America's Christian Credit Union




Loans up to $50K at 8.65%APR for credit union members.

His Kids Too!


This program is for US families adopting internationally.  Not quite a grant or a loan, more of a fundraising venue.  Families and friends make tax deductible donations to His Kids Too! designated for your adoption. 

ARC of Hope



 This program is for married couples with preference for those adopting a child with an identified special need.  Similar to His Kids Too!, family and friends make tax deductible donations earmarked for your adoption.

Domestic United States Adoptions: 

Micah Fund

 For families adopting children of minority backgrounds in the United States.

Lifetime Adoption Foundation

 
 For families adopting domestically through the Lifetime Foundation.

North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC)
 
List of subsidies provided by states on children in foster care.

Grants & Loans that Have Application Fees:

Gift of Adoption
 
$20 application fee.  Average award $3,000 for families or individuals adopting domestically or internationally.

God's Grace Adoption Ministry
 
 $10 application fee for 2 parent, Christian families.

Sea of Faces



Grants for heterosexual, married, Christian families.  $15 application fee.  Grants awarded between $1,000 and $3,000.

National Adoption Foundation

Grants and loans (up to $25 at 6.59% APR) for families and individuals.  $10 application fee.

Pathways for Little Feet





0% interest for adoption loans.  $15 application fee.

Perpetual Change Adoption Promise


 Grants and fundraising assistance for families or individuals seeking to adopt.  $20 application fee.

Golden Dawn Adoption Assistance


 Adoption assistance for Mormon families.  $20 application fee.

Resources 4 Adoption
 
This isn't a grant, but a database of grants and other resources.  $50 subscription fee.

Grants Not Working as of December 2012:

These are grants we have seen come up on many searches and recommendations that are currently not providing funding.

Helping Kids Cope
Their website isn't working.  An e-mail sent to them bounced back as undeliverable.

Home For Good
 No longer offering adoption grants.

TMG Foundation
No longer provides matching grants.

The Boatner Family Foundation
No longer offering grants.

Fore Family Foundation
No longer offering grants.

Promise The Children
$15 processing fee.  No longer offering grants.

Affording Adoption Foundation
$25 application fee for couples or individuals.  Currently unavailable, check back in 2013.

M. Night Shyamalan Foundation
A foundation begun by the Hollywood director to benefit orphans in India.  The foundation is still active in its orphan and underprivileged children's assistance, however they are no longer offering adoption grants to families. 

Name Day

Boldog Nevnapot, pumpkin!
Today's our little one's name day- 12/12!
Hungarian name days are celebrated much like birthdays, you share treats with family, friends, co-workers depending on your age.  Children will be given small gifts and sweets and will share sweets with their friends.  In Hungary, birthdays are celebrated with just the family and name days are celebrated with everyone.
So, pumpkin:

Print Your Own Board Book

The language barrier is a great concern for us- one we hadn't planned on.  We will struggle to communicate with her in a language so unlike any we've ever learned.  My greatest concern is that they are not preparing her for the big changes about to happen.  And, even when I'm there, I'll have no idea what they are telling her.

My sister showed me this excellent site:

What better way to introduce your new toddler to her new family and home than a board book!  At Pint Size Productions you can choose your images and create your own board books.  And use Google translate so her caretakers can read it to her. 
Our book goes something like this (I'm using her middle name to protect her privacy):
Christine's Book - Christine könyve
This is my home - Ez az én otthonom (or for better translations, use only one word: home - lakóhely or otthon)

bedroom - hálószoba

playroom - játszószoba

playground - játszótér 

my cats - én macskák (well, there's just one)
You may also include grandparents, school, church and other important places.  
She's actually getting two- my sister had made one "My Family" and we made "Christine's Story."  

This is something any kid would treasure- biological or adopted- a real book all about them and their family.

For Bulgarian adoptions, you have two visits, you could bring this along and leave it with her on the first trip.  For Hungary, there is just one long trip, so we are sending it on ahead of us.  I hope she gets it by Christmas ;-) 

An Unexpected Trip

Yesterday afternoon we got the call that Chris's grandma isn't doing well.  I was afraid this would happen, but I was concerned it would happen while we were overseas and couldn't come home.  He was able to get a ticket and head up there later that evening.  Not a short trip, she lives in Anchorage.  Please keep her in your prayers. 

And the Winner Is...

Congratulations April Miranda, you've won our iPad raffle!
We have been overwhelmed with support from family, friends, coworkers and complete strangers!  We did hit the 800 ticket mark, today.  Thanks so much to everyone who bought tickets.  Especially Andy and Jeff.  And to our Mom's and Virginia who sold so, so many tickets to people who don't even know Chris and I. 

So, April, check your mailbox- we're sending it out on Monday!

The Language Barrier

"So Hungarian, that's like Russian, right?"
Chris and I thought we had the language in the bag.  As former Peace Corps Volunteers adopting from our host country (Bulgaria) we'd have few problems communicating with our little one.  The biggest concern would be the lack of exposure to speech from being in an institution. 
When we changed countries, everything changed. 
 
Hungarian is like no other modern spoken language.  There are linguists who believe its linked to Estonian or to an Asian language brought by the Mongols, but its like none of its neighbors.  None of the languages Chris or I speak (English, Russian, Bulgarian) or have some understanding (French, German, Spanish) will come in handy in Hungary.
"That's because Hungary is the county that has had the longest most consistent borders in Europe" says my friend of Hungarian decent.  It's true, her dad told her.  That sounds like something the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding would say.  (You tell me the any word and I show you the root is Greek!). 

Why don't you just get the Rosetta Stone?
Ah, Rosetta Stone, possibly the most successful and comprehensive language study program, doesn't carry Hungarian.  But if they did...
Rosetta Stone Hungarian
According to the Onion, the first disc of Rosetta Stone Hungarian, is just someone telling you in English not to bother.

 
Chris has started on Teach Yourself Hungarian.  I've made it to the alphabet, Hungarian isn't easy.  And there are no cognates with other languages I know.

Book

I've decided to put my efforts into learning some basic sign language.  There is a lot of evidence that children are able to pick up signs earlier than spoken language, even in bilingual children and it does not delay their ability to speak.  There's lots of great website and books that help young children (and their parents) learn to sign.
Baby Signs and Language Acquisition

"If you have to fundraise..."

"If you have to fundraise, then you shouldn't be adopting."  I heard this from a friend of my husband's last week.  I understand where he's coming from, but he doesn't understand what adoptive families experience.


Having a family.
Can we afford to have a family?  Yes.  We both have good jobs, with good salaries and benefits.  Open enrollment just wrapped up, and the health insurance plans send out information with typical health procedures and your expected out of pocket expenses.  Do you know how much it would cost someone on my health plan to have a baby (give birth and all the prenatal care)?  $600.  Yup, $600 to go through pregnacy, labor and delivery.  May seem like a lot to some, but that's how much the application fee was to get started with the adoption.

What are you going to do when the kid gets here?
Well, we'd have to face those expenses whether we had a child biologically or adopted.  Child care, food, toys, medical care- all families face those expenses.  Families raise children on a lot less than we have.

Well, then why do you need to fundraise?
Yes, its true people get by on a lot less.  But adoption is a big expense and all at once.  We both have good jobs and benefits, we can afford to raise a child.  But like most people in our age cohort, we're paying student loans, just staring our careers- a lot of life expenses.  But we're building equity and preparing ourselves for our future.  We don't have $35K liquid assets for the adoption.  And we are just missing the adoption tax credit.

Adoption Tax Credit?
That's right, expiring December 2012 is a refundable tax credit of over $13K per adopted child.  Should the US government be handing out checks to adoptive families?  Well, without getting into the politics of whether the government should or not...  The adopted child tax credit was increased for several years until it reached its current level.  And every year, adoption agencies adjusted their fees accordingly.  If your adoption is completed by the end of December, you can claim this credit.  We are missing it by mere weeks.  Are the agencies going to lower their fees now that the tax credit is no more?  I wouldn't bet on it.  And the cherry on top is- adoption related expenses are not tax refundable.  So, that $10 we donated to a colleague walking for breast cancer (or some other worthy cause)- tax deductible.  That $3,000 we spent on our home study- not a chance. 

Bottom line.
No one likes asking for money.  If you don't want donate to the raffle, you don't have to.  We won't hold it against you.  We know families and individuals are facing a lot- they have their own life expenses, uncertainty in the job market, falling real estate. 
We have gotten a lot of support from family, friends, colleagues and even people we've never met.  Every dollar will be matched from a grant from Brittany's Hope.  We are so close to our goal with the raffle- just a few more tickets to go.

So if you are interested....
Tickets are 1 for $10 and 3 for $25 (remember every dollar will be matched- so a donation of $10 is a $20 gain for us!!).  You can donate via the Pay Pal on the right side of this blog, or you can mail checks to
Christ Church
620 G St SE
Washington, DC 20002. 
Be sure to put "iPad raffle" in the memo line.
Thanks!

Starting to Feel Real

I can't believe we've been planning this adoption for more than a year, at the same time- it has gone by so quickly. 
For so long we've been thinking about this child abstractly.  Now she has a name, a face- she's real!  We're so excited for her to come home.  We stare at her one blurry picture, watch the videos over and over.  Subject our friends, colleagues, family members- anyone we come in to contact with to watch the videos with us.
At the same time, I can't help but think- are we ready to do this?  Are we old enough?  How are we going to pay for this?  We thought we had 2 more years of waiting.  And of course- I can't believe they are letting us do this!  We worked hard for this adoption for so long, I can't believe its happening already.  We're happy we don't have to wait 18-24 more months, but in just 2 months everything is going to change.   
Her things starting arriving- a high chair and some clothes from friends, a car seat from my sister, we ordered her bed this weekend. 
What a whirlwind of emotions- I'm so excited, the whole thing feels surreal and then the underlying fear that this whole thing could fall apart.

Hurricane Sandy

Hurricane Sandy is heading for the East Coast.  Schools, work places, libraries, trash pick up, public transit- just about everything has been suspended.  Chris was in Texas for work, supposed to come home Sunday night, but all flights were cancelled.  While I still have power, I am using this day off from work to put together some grant applications. 
The iPad raffle is going great.  We have recieved a matching grant from the Brittany's Hope Foundations.  Every dollar donated will be doubled!
We found our little girl a lot sooner than we had anticipated.  While we feel we are on a good path financially, we need  some assistance with all the fees due and travel costs coming at the holidays (when flights are more).  If you know any foundations that have helped you adopt, please post them in the comments.  I'll see what I track down and share over the next few weeks.
Please, please, share the iPad raffle with friends, family and coworkers.  If you donate through paypal please send me a message with your phone number so I can call if you win!  You can also mail us a check.  Thanks!

Remember only 800 tickets will be sold!  Tickets are 1 for $10 and 3 for $25.  Good Luck!

iPad Raffle!

We are officially kicking off a big iPad Raffle fundraiser!
Tickets are 1 for $10, 3 for $25.  Please e-mail me at katyabrewer730@gmail.com if you are interested.  You can pay by check or the Paypal link on the right side of the blog. 
Your contribution will be doubled- we were awarded a matching grant from Brittany's Hope.
We will draw a winner December 1st.  We'll call you and we can mail this iPad anywhere!
Please share with friends and family!

Everything's Falling Into Place

I can't believe its was just 7 days ago we found out about our Sweet Pea!  I was overwhelmed on Friday, so much to do and so soon.  Could we do it all?  We can, but we've had a lot of help! 
Change the home study, no problem!  Remember all the difficulties we had we the first two social workers?  Well they're gone, and the new social worker responds to e-mails and voicemails- within hours!  She has dropped our newly updated (to say Hungary not Bulgaria) home study in the mail TODAY!  You rock, new social worker!
Once we receive this new home study we send one to Hungary for approval and one to US Immigration.
Fill out Hungary paperwork?  Letters from our primary care physicians stating we are healthy- the secretary seemed skeptical.  Secretary: "You need it urgently?  Who is your primary care?  Oh, her, she'll have it ready in a few hours."  And she did! 
Local police clearances, employment verification letters- nearly everything is in place.
Tomorrow we head to the notary with a big pile of documents- agency agreements, copies of our passports, letter of intent for Hungary, etc and drop the packet off at the Post Office. 

And now, may I introduce the Big Elephant in the Room....
Process has been sped up, so has the fee schedule, and to top it all off- Hungary's program costs more than Bulgaria. 
The past week has been spent filling out adoption grants- with a big thanks to our pastor and 2 important friends who went out of their way to provide a half dozen references!  You know who you are!
We have a big fundraiser in the works, we'll let you know as soon as we have secured the details.
Its looking likely we'll get to see our Baby Girl in January!

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary to my husband, Chris!  These two years have flown by.  Thanks for always supporting me.  This year we have the best gift for our anniversary, can't wait to meet her!

The Stork has been rerouted

You know when you make a wrong turn and your GPS says "recalculating...


Chris and I got some big news on Friday.
Our agency received a referral for a little on in Hungary, but they didn't have any families in the Hungary program who were far enough to accept, would we be interested?  The little one could be home as early as Christmas, though more likely January.
Of course, it was a holiday weekend (Columbus Day) and Chris was heading out of town with friends.  Camping in an area with spotty reception.  I got the phone call as I was leaving work, getting a ride with a colleague since Chris had my car.  She said "What ever decision you make, I know it will be the right one."
Well I weighed my options: wait possibly 2 more years for the Bulgarian Ministry of Justice to give us a referral, keep looking at Bulgarian waiting children (only to have the child sent to another family, even after the NGO promised the child was being held for us).  The child waiting in an orphanage, not getting enough stimulation, attention or nutrition.  I would visit my child, then have to wait 4-6 months to bring him home, all the while he is receiving less than optimal care.  But Bulgaria is not all bad, we know the language, the cuisine the culture.  We'd be able to bobble our heads yes and nod our heads no, know that the draft is much worse than second hand smoke and to keep all the windows closed.  We have lots of Bulgarian friends (even neighbors) and our child would stay connected to his/her birth country culture.  The costs of the adoption are slighter less and we have two more years to come up with the money. 
Or do I choose Hungary?  The child will be home by January 2013.  How certain are we that this child isn't going to be sent to another family.  Hungary has few international adoptions, only about 4 to the US each year.  NGOs are not involved, does the government show the profile to more than one family?  We don't know the language, and it is hard.  Unlike any other language- not Romance, Slavic, Germanic.  We have to go to Hungary where the child is put in our custody the first week.  Then the mother stays 4-6 weeks until the adoption is finalized, but the father can go home after the first week and return for the last.  I will be alone in Hungary, for 1 month with my newly adopted child and unable to communicate.  Hungary doesn't do a waiting child program and we can't have any information on the child until our documents are approved and we accept the referral.   But the child is in a foster home and has already received appropriate medical interventions for special needs (which will most likely be minor).  The Hungary program fees are higher and the money is due in December 2012, 2 1/2 months. 
We had to get back to our placing agency ASAP. 

We decided to go for it.  We're have our home study amended, updating our US Immigration forms and waiting to hear from the Hungarians to see if we are accepted.  And if we are, we are going to be fundraising like crazy!

Our stork is Hungary Bound!

You May Have Noticed Our Paypal...

Please lend us a helping hand!

You may have noticed we put a Paypal link in the sidebar of our blog.  No one wants to come out and ask for money, but the cost of adoption is difficult to bear alone.  We have some fundraisers in the works, savings, grants, loans, but we need help.  There is no "cheap" adoption, but Bulgaria is one of the more cost effective countries that we qualify for.
Unfortunately, it seems the adoption tax credit is expiring.  And equally unfortunate, every time the tax credit was increased, so did adoption agency fees.  Now that it is expiring, agency fees are not changing.  No small tax credit- about $13,000 per child. 
Take a look at this clip from NBC about the high cost of adoption:

The Rising Cost of Adoption:



There are so many children who need homes and so many families who are willing, able and eager to adopt them, but the costs are prohibitive. 

Got the Apostille

We got the apostille on our USCIS letter back today!  Now we're sending a packet with the affidavit from the social work and some other documents to our agency.  One step closer....

I am trying to go faster but my legs are too little ;-)

More Fingerprints, Apostilles, etc

Are there any more things we need for the dossier? 
I feel like I keep asking this, and yes there are more.  Why can't we just do them all at once.  It's like they wait for one item to be done before they ask for the next.  Why can't we work on some of the other things while we wait for the documents sent in to come back?  In the past 2 weeks, we've worked on a few more items. 
Ink fingerprints.  Turns out the Channelers used for the Home Study aren't good enough for the MOJ.  Chris and I both had our ink fingerprints rolled and submitted to the FBI.  Another $56 plus postage.
USCIS Apostille.  Actually, not that easy to get.  The first place we were directed to was not correct, so Chris had to take off work twice to get this done- well not done, but dropped off. 
Affadavit from social worker.  That was easy, we asked her for it and she dropped it in the mail a day or two later.
So we are just waiting on the USCIS letter to get back to us with an Apostille and the FBI prints to be returned.  Then we get those apostilled. 
Is that all we need for the dossier? 

Back to Work

Yup, we start school late here, after Labor Day.  Last week was our first week back with students.  We're off to a good start.  Enrollment is up, way up!
I've been busy -haven't had much time to post.  
We got our notice back from Immigration, now we need to re-do our FBI prints.  We did Channelers the first time, which is ok for the home study but not the MOJ.  I wish we could do these things concurrently.  Then, maybe our dossier will be ready?

No More Waiting Children

For a lot of parents who pursue adoption, it was their second choice- after biology failed them.  Not that it is substandard, but it's just not what we planned.  It can be hard to think about all you'll miss- no sonograms, excitement (and agony) of pregnancy and delivery, no baby showers.  And unless you're doing a domestic newborn adoption- no first time rolling over, sitting up, walking or talking. 
Instead you spend your time digging up your address for everywhere you ever lived, tracking down your police and child abuse clearances, researching agencies and looking over their 990s.  You refinance the house, try to pay off your student loans, find a second job to pay all the fees. 
I thought we had accepted all that adoption encompasses, all that we are missing and we had moved on.  Focused on what we are gaining.  But it all came to a boil last night, when Chris realized he hadn't processed all of it.  Now that his friends are having children, he's seeing the new dad diaper a baby for the first time, give her a bath.  He realizes what he is missing.  
Last week we received 3 referrals for waiting children.  As we looked over the profiles, I think it really set in that we won't be there for some major milestones.  Some of the kids are 4 years old, some have significant medical needs.  There won't be midnight feedings, tummy time, babbling, pureed foods, first haircut, etc.
So we've decided we're not going to look at any more waiting child profiles.  Its too much heartache to look at these kids an no we can't take care of them.  Or, when we plan on proceeding, finding out he's being sent to another family.  Another year of that would be devastating to our emotional well being.  We'll wait for the Ministry of Justice's referral.  
I know when its all over and ten years down the road, we'll forget all the stress, anxiety, heartache.  All that will matter is the child, that we're a family.

USCIS biometrics appointment scheduled!

Biometrics- they are just taking our fingerprints, right?
We are scheduled to have our Immigration fingerprints next Wednesday!  That didn't take too long, though they did schedule in the middle of the first week back to school. 

Rowdy Room

(I had to break up the posts, because my Internet connection wouldn't let me post so many pictures.)
We are remodeling our basement.  I have heard basement bonus rooms called a lot of things- playroom, rumpus room (what Chris calls it), man cave, family room, den- but my favorite name is Rowdy Room.  One of the little girls I was babysitting this summer called her play room the "Rowdy Room." 
Here are some before and after pictures of the basement:
Before- wood paneling painted white, 2 piece bath, vinyl tile floor

And this is what it looks like now: (not the after pics because we're not done :-)